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The Doorbell

I must confess, I’m very easily amused. For instance, I’m rewatching the Columbo series on Netflix for perhaps the fifth time since I first got the video streaming service last year. Among the things that amuse me are the peculiar habits of Peter Falk‘s character, as they evolved over the life of the series, the increasingly goofy things he did with his raincoat, cigars, car, and other icons of the fictional detective, including that poor basset hound they could never get around to choosing a name for. It became a trope for the script to mention Columbo’s wife in passing, but never showed her face (spinoff notwithstanding).

If I were to create a drinking game for this series, I’d certainly prompt the watcher to keep track of how many times a particular prop was used. Not so much items like the ill-used and much abused Peugeot that Columbo was fondly attached to, but rather inane objects such as a telephone, or a magnetic tape recorder. The latter could be seen in a secretary’s desk drawer one episode, and then propped up on its side and part of a box full of blinky lights to simulate a computer the next. The more of these recycled props I find, the more amusing it gets. And you could always tell when they were pressed for new and exotic locations; having been produced by Universal Studios near L.A., they’d often use the attached theme park. One time, they filmed near the Jaws pool, usually part of the movie studio tour ride.

But I have to say that the thing that never fails to garner a giggle out of me is the number of times they used the same old doorbell sound. I imagine, perhaps not accurately, that they paid a small fee for this sound effect, and used the hell out of it. It was featured heavily in the first season, whenever they needed a doorbell sound. They always used it in a setting in which there was an expensive home, whenever there were rich and/or famous people about. It was very distinctive, with three tones, almost akin to a pipe organ with three large gong-y metal tubes. There was one particularly obnoxious episode in which they played the sound over and over for over a minute, with video of a girl freaking out superimposed over another video of a camera quickly zooming in and out of visual range of the device. I always have to play that particular scene several times, just because I’ve laughed too hard upon initial viewing to pay attention to whatever else is going on.

They got, erm, smart in the second season, and while they continued using the obnoxiously loud and overplayed doorbell sound, they would only use one or two of the three tones, muting the unused ones, trying to creatively recycle the sound effect without appearing to do so. Ahh, the 70s. lol The tri-tone doorbell sound is rarely used after that, though it still has its uses in occasional episodes later on.

I’m writing about it because I’m watching a dreary episode in which I’d forgotten the doorbell sound was used again. I’m always reminded it’s there as the music swells during a particularly intense early scene. The established three tones create a major chord, starting at the top and working its way down. This particular song features a gong-like tone, in the same key as the doorbell’s first note. While it isn’t the actual doorbell sound, hearing that gong makes me sing to myself the other two notes that make up that chord.

I can’t find a compilation of this sound in use during the series on YouTube. I keep thinking I should remedy that sometime.

Probably related:


Links, Gigs, and Biz!

I’ve been adding a lot more freelance gig-getting websites to my blogroll. It’s been a slow time for short-term freelance assignments. One of my long-term clients has been giving me small assignments, editing video, photos, and website administration. I’ve been able to do most of the work on my iPad (first generation, no 3g)–I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is to be able to pick up the iOS tablet and wander around the house, sitting on varied surfaces besides my computer chair, or going to wherever there’s another pocket of WIFI, at the watering hole nearby or the grocery store when I want a change of scenery.

If it were not for the car repairs I’m saving up for, I would have totally purchased the second generation 3g iPad 2, to be truly untethered by location and to be able to do even more with the onboard cameras on the device. I even had the tablet in my shopping cart the other night, shipping calculated, and personal information shared, all ready to hit the “buy” button. Practicality prevailed, for now. The cost is just too much. Heck, I got this iPad 1 on deep discount through one of those one-deal-a-day websites. I’ve been scouring Craigslist for any iPad 2, only to find that any individual selling theirs wants the same unreasonable rate. I’ll wait.

There are more photos and videos to be edited for my longest-held client. I’m also spending the week recoding a website for a local food business who wanted more social interactivity along with their updated menu, hours, and other info. I’ll probably volunteer to do some webwork for a nonprofit, just to give myself something to do.

I asked my husband about a hair-brained idea I’d thought up the other day, and he gave his assent, so I’m poking at it. I’m starting a new business venture, designing the website for it, and getting a framework of electronica built up to assist me. He and I have been sharing a phone ever since we met; that’ll change when my new Android phone arrives, wherein I can receive professional queries and assignments on my own line. Again, found a great deal on a phone I couldn’t pass up. I required my husband’s input on the business idea, because it will involve relocation, and I asked him how badly he wanted that. He’s quite open to the idea, and it won’t cost us much to try, so I’m going for it. I’m going to see if I can set up some temporary employment for both of us while we get resettled. I found that he and I really do want to relocate to my former hometown, even if it is not through the means we thought we would have been, when an opportunity came up a year ago that we’ve been chomping at the bit to see realized since. And that’s a very clunky sentence, I apologize, it’s the middle of the night.

I purchased some fabric for a nifty sewing project in mid-November, though by the time the fabric arrived in the middle of December, I was deep in retail employment and couldn’t find the time to attack the project before the winter holiday arrived. With things as slow as they are, I don’t see a problem with getting started on that project as well, though I need to purchase more fabric, as I’d well-underestimated how much I’d need for the items I want to make.

I will someday learn how to work this sewing machine–haha, yet another project on my wild array of burners.

The cat has interjected himself on my lap, and I can’t think of anything else that’s come up that I feel like updating about, so I will now tend to him. And brainfart today’s goings-on.

Probably related:


Christmas Day Stuffs

(This was written for Holidailies.)


Julie Andrews “Ding Dong Merrily on High” & “Some Children See Him” Christmas


“Ugly Sweater” (Lyrics) by Mistletoe Conspiracy


Carpenters – Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas


How the Grinch Stole Christmas: The Who Song (Welcome Christmas)
(whenever this plays on the store musak I crack up)

Probably related:



Merry Yule!

(This was written for Holidailies.)


Annie Lennox – God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen
interview with Lennox

My husband can’t help but cry every time we play this tune. He’s moved by the inclusion of Father Christmas and other “pagan” symbols in the video alongside the traditionally Christian lyrics.


Loreena McKennitt – The Holly & the Ivy

You’ve probably heard this song before, but never quite like this. Loreena put the familiar lyrics to a different, unfamiliar medieval Celtic tune, creating a haunting song that, again, incorporates elements of Christianity and paganism. You can read more about the song itself here, including the masculine symbolism of the holly and the feminine nature of the ivy, and how the lyrics compare the holly to the role of Jesus Christ, while the ivy no doubt refers to the church, often referred to in the feminine pronoun.


Burning Logs in Fireplace (nearly 2 hours!)

The Yule log is a particularly dense natural piece of wood that is used especially for such a night as this, a tradition most popular in Eastern Europe but a fixture in fireplaces all over the northern hemisphere. Its most practical applications are of course light and warmth on the longest night and shortest day of the year, the Winter Solstice. In a world where only candles, bonfires, and kitchen pit fires kept the darkness of the night at bay, it was reasonable to ensure a fire’s longevity by providing it a log that would take hours upon hours to burn away to ash. Historians aren’t quite sure where the tradition part of it took off, but established its usage to Britain in the late 1700s.

The Yule-log-as-video idea came along in 1966 when the then-president of New York City television station WPIX gave his company a gift by airing a multi-hour video of a modest fire in a fireplace without commercial interruption on December 25. He gave his employees the chance to spend the day at home with their families, and also provided a cheesy substitute for those individuals in the area who lived in apartments and other dwellings without fireplaces, but who owned a television somewhere in their residence. It’s been an on-again-off-again phenomenon through the years, and now through the magic of the internet you can have your Christmas Day parades and your Yule log too.

I’m having a hard time finding a song that features mistletoe, but an entry like this wouldn’t be complete without that particular element! This modest plant blooms in winter, at odds with most of its vegetative brethren. In the 1800s, it became a common custom for a man and woman, standing beneath a bough of the shiny, waxy green leaves and red berries, to smooch under the common holiday decoration. There wasn’t much to the custom, it was just a Thing.

The poinsettia is also a winter-blooming plant. Already a popular decoration in Latin America during celebrations near the Winter Solstice, Franciscan friars in Mexico included the plants in their Christmas celebrations. They likened the star-shaped pattern of leaves to the Star of Bethlehem, and the red color to the blood sacrifice of the Christian savior.

Even the Christmas tree has roots (haha) that precede Christianity. In the area now known as Germany, ancient tribes told stories and repeated legends of the Donar Oak, which stood for traditional values such as truth, longevity, and loyalty. In the middle ages, those who resided in the region erected evergreen trees in public spaces, decorating them with delicacies, candies, and sweets for children. The crazy westernized Christians began putting candles in there, and privatized the whole affair to the households of individual families. And likely burnt down a lot of said homes.

I have to work, and cannot spend much more time describing familiar elements of the season that are not particularly Christian, or started out as symbols for preexisting religions, legends, and customs. Here are links to more information that you’re welcome to read at your leisure:

And here’s a left-over song that isn’t Christmas-related, but rather tells the story of the Duke of Bohemia (a Czech territory) somewhere in the early 900s, the high middle ages, as he set out stomping about in the snow. The Wiki article is here:


The Irish Rovers – Good King Wenceslas

Probably related:


Silly Videos

(This was written for Holidailies.)

Here’re a bunch of holiday (mostly Christmas)-themed scenes, songs, and other silliness that I pull up every December to shock, annoy, and amuse my friends.

Featured are alternative lyrics and strange versions of recognizable holiday tunes.


ding fries are done
alternate Peter Griffin version


Farting Elves 12 Days of Christmas


Mr Bean – Nativity Scene


Mr. Bean conducts Christmas Orchestra


The 12 Gays of Christmas


White Christmas Cartoon Song


The 12 Pains of Christmas


“Weird Al” Yankovic – Christmas At Ground Zero

And some repeats from previous entries this month:


Danny Kaye & Bing Crosby – Sisters


O Holy Night worst rendition ever


Christmas Lights Gone Wild


Tom Lehrer – A Christmas Carol

Probably related:



Holiday Food

(This was written for Holidailies.)


Holiday Lament (The Fruitcake Song)

Re: the above video, I found that while looking for possibly silly songs about holiday foods. I searched for candy canes, and then for fruitcake, and found that. It’s the first time I’d ever heard that song, and laughed out loud when I watched it. Anyhoo…

I decided to make an entry about foods, dishes, and treats I associate with winter.

#1: Turkey & gravy. Every Thanksgiving, whether my family spent the holiday with family, or with other friends, or even the few years we spent it at home, there was always turkey. I like white meat, and I do like liquid gravy. Not so much the sausage gravy served some years, but the more fluid meat-based broth stuff. I’d put mashed potatoes with this blurb too.

#2: Ham & pineapple. My mom couldn’t cook a ham without putting pineapple on it. I adore pineapple. The ham was usually way under- or over-cooked.

#3: Candy canes. Sometimes my mom would buy a box of the things and put them on the tree along with ornaments, and I’d be allowed one per day. Sometimes I’d get a small one, as would my classmates, from the teacher. Sometimes the church would hand them out on some Advent Sunday.

#4: Yams. I have to tell you that yams are among my very favorite foods. I have a pronounced sweet tooth. With or without marshmallows, I like the baked goody either way. Canned, fresh, it’s all spiffy. Mashed, diced, whole, I’m cool with it.

#5: Pillow mints. This candy has many names, but they’re a vaguely square shape, like an overstuffed pillow, in varied pastel colors. I mentioned that my maternal grandmother stocked them each winter holiday, and that I was apt to swipe way too many of them to be healthy. I loved the way they melted in my mouth, or felt like candied snow as I bit down into them.

#6: Hot apple cider and hot chocolate. No, not together. I was even offered a Hot Toddy and a Tom & Jerry (virgin-no alcohol) once each winter as a treat. Interesting and different. I might as well include egg nog in there too.

#7: Fruitcake. I never liked this monstrosity, whether it was store-bought or homemade. I don’t know, the idea of fruit suspended in a bread-cake form was fine, but candied fruits? And fruit-flavored candy? Baked for over a half hour? No wonder the thing weighed like a brick, and had the consistency of one. Not that I’ve ever bit into a brick, but if my broken teeth are any indication… I’m being facetious about the broken teeth.

#8: Cookies. My mom would make all sorts of baked goods during the month of December, among them sugar cookies, snickerdoodles, and those chocolate ones with the dusting of powdered sugar on top. Less often she’d make peanut butter cookies and chocolate chip cookies. Wow, I haven’t made cookies in a decade and I’m really wanting to do some. Hmm…

Dang, I couldn’t even come up with ten. Ah well.

Probably related:


Seasonal Retail

(This was written for Holidailies.)


Tom Lehrer – A Christmas Carol

I love the position I have at the supermarket that hubby works at. I arrange fruit in baskets for about four hours a day, interact with customers, joke with employees, hide from the manager from the other department who has no business micromanaging me anyway, and tell the lost where to find the department or the item they want.

I really rocked the position last year, raking in thousands of dollars more in sales than the previous person had the year before. This year, the product just is not a big seller. People see the (over)prices on the baskets, look directly behind me at the $.59 fruit, shrug and grab their own produce. Last year, a lot of customers wanted a free basket, free bows, free tags, and free wrapping paper, when I barely had enough for the product I was actually making. This year, a few other in-store departments have availed themselves to my stash of supplies under the display table, when I’m not there to stop them. That all comes out of MY department’s funds, which is a bit maddening but whatever.

I really love the position because it’s easy, short, lets me interact with the public demonstrating my mad skillz, and by the time I start to get tired of the grind and predictability of the retail environment, it’s time to sit at home and play with freelance assignments again. It’s a secondary (and sometimes tertiary) source of income, it gets me out of the house, I see hubby at work nearly every day, and I get to interact with the public. My direct manager is a really cool guy who loves to laugh and leaves me to my own devices, trusting that I know what I’m doing. With two years now under my belt, he knows he can leave me to it. Every time he glances over, I’m talking to a customer or my hands are busy making something. I pride myself on giving my company their money’s worth with efficiency, accuracy, and my mind firmly on what I’m doing.

I walk in every day with a smile, and maintain a positive attitude throughout the day no matter what I’m handed. I’m always rather amazed at the pool of energy I have when I’m on the clock. Others always remark how much of an overachiever I am; I’m always doing more than I’m asked to do, and volunteer for more, or go find something to do until directed otherwise. They know I’m good for it.

They hired an underling for me, an older woman, who doesn’t have the same attention to detail or pride in her work. Yesterday, I came back on shift after two days off and found a lot of rotten fruit in the baskets. They don’t get that way overnight, you can see pears ripening and bananas going south long before the point at which I saw them. It took me roughly an hour to sort it all out. I’ve watched the underling at work, it takes her the entire shift to finish what needs to be done. There’re certain things we’re supposed to do, and in the interests of cutting corners, she doesn’t do them. It usually falls to me to follow along behind her and rework what needs doing, so that we have a uniform and high-quality product for people to purchase.

Like I said, the sales halfway through the month now aren’t nearly what they were last year–I can tell merely by taking inventory of the number of baskets sitting day after day on the shelves, the number of empty baskets under the table, and the other supplies not pilfered by the other departments. I’m not sure if that will pick up as the close of the year arrives, but in the meantime, every two days, every fruit is inspected and replaced as necessary, which gets wasteful if they’re all sitting stagnant on the shelf rather than being sold. Nobody’s made a custom order, either. I’ve stepped up the display with brochures prominently showing the order forms, and I plan to use the overhead announcement system to advertise the more expensive ones and custom baskets as well. We’ll see.

In the meantime, I’m doing the work of 1.5 people, and I was very disappointed that they cut my pay rate from last year to the barest minimum wage. If they ask me to stay on, I shall have to say no, it’s so ridiculous that the bus fare and food costs cancel out any income I do get. That’s part of why I’m frantic about getting the car fixed (and keeping it running), we rent that car and it costs us for every day it sits there rather than get us from hither to yon.

Probably related:


Monotonous but Certainly Not Boring

(This was written for Holidailies.)


Monotone Angel (lyrics)

Most of these Holidailies entries feature a video that is only tangentially related. In this entry’s case, it is more directly related.

My parents participated nearly yearly in the Community Christmas Choir, a amateur volunteer choir of nearly 100 people who could (at least somewhat) carry a tune, and practiced weekly from September through December, performing for three nights some mid-December weekend, raising money for some nonprofit cause that benefited the homeless and victimized in the community.

My sister and I were often dragged along during their practice sessions, sitting in the high school’s cafeteria-gym and trying to amuse ourselves quietly while the adults sang their songs, over and over. Homework was not possible with the lights out in the gym. My sister and I would often take a nap, or play with a couple other kids who were also dragged along. Only once did my sister and I get so rambunctious that we needed to be yelled at to stop the noise. The rest of the time, we may or may not have run around in circles and ellipses, but at least we kept it down to a low roar. The choir director didn’t seem to much like children.

Anyway, the linked number is one my parents performed in the early 80s, in the years before I was old enough to care about such things as lyrics, and paying attention. The song always intrigued me because there was a silly part in which a man would sing off-key and obnoxiously, and to which the other choir members couldn’t help laughing.

I’ve rarely heard it performed since.

Every December, I hum it to myself, not remembering the lyrics and trying desperately to remember even one word so that I could Google it. Yesterday, the words “monotone angel” came to mind and I cursed that I was on my way to work instead of in front of the computer so that I could find the lyrics and watch the video right away. I texted myself a note to remember later.

Sometimes I wish my parents would let me transfer to digital format the old cassette tapes made of each years’ performance. Periodically through the years I’ve had an interest in listening to them again. Especially this song.

Probably related: